Welcome to story time. Grab a cuppa and a biscuit, treat yourself and dunk it in. Let yourself go and see how long you can dunk it before you ruin your cup of tea with floating crumbs. Chuck on your comfies, it's going to be a long one
Our story begins like many people in the world, I have recently lost my job. Thanks, Corona. This is where my Quarter Life Crisis starts. In any other circumstance, this would be the time I would do something I wouldn't normally be able to do like go travelling, do the Disney Castle Challenge or even say fuck it, buy a new house...again. But...we can't go anywhere or do much. Awesome. I also have a mortgage to pay for, but that is irrelevant in this and we shall ignore it.
This has promoted what can only be described as my Quarter Life Crisis, delayed by almost two years which only means it is going to be worse, right? I currently spend my days trawling through job boards, doing money maths to make my money last as long as possible, and looking around for things to sell. What I would rather be doing is going out and enjoying life, renovating my house and getting super excited for two Disney trips next year! But no, I am sat here constantly going "OH SHIT!" because I have no idea what is going on, or what I want to do with my life.
My end goal for the year is to still be alive, that is the level of achievement we are at. Set expectations low, be happy when they are achieved! I mean, this year is a complete right off really, isn't it? Everything booked has been cancelled or moved to next year, Disney had shut, no one could buy toilet roll and then a butterfly flew at my face. The absolute worst. I thought I hated people until I literally was forbidden to see anyone without waving through a window...should have printed a "please do not bang on the glass, animal is easily startled" sign. Maybe I am a people person after all?! There is a positive to take out from all of this, Danielle decided people weren't as bad as she thought, but will still actively avoid talking to anyone as much as physically possible. Let's stick with waving from a distance, that's nice. And no, you still can't hug me.
So alongside our Quarter Life Crisis, we now introduce an Existential Crisis. If you have stuck around for a while, you will know I seem to be partial to an Existential Crisis. If you are unfamiliar, an Existential Crisis (yes, this is a noun here) is where you start to wonder what your purpose is and essentially why you have been put on this earth. Relatable? Cool, let's be friends. So to go hand in hand with my crushing fear of having no money and losing my house, we have the continuous pondering of what my purpose in life is. Am I meant to just sit in an office, tapping away at a computer, go home, sleep and repeat? I relate. Does my life have some secret, very, very, very hidden more important meaning? Hah. Am I meant to discover something that will change the world? Most likely not. Essentially, the question looming over my head is "what am I doing with my life?".
So what am I doing with my life? Pretty much nothing substantial. I have watched an embarrassingly large amount of Disney+ and Netflix. Did I sit and watch Zac Efron's show in one day and delve deeper into my Existential Crisis? Absolutely. Did I then sit and silently create a master plan that would end in me marrying Zac Efron? Not even ashamed to say yes. Will that ever happen? Oh, look, a pig flying! Indulge me. It's only fair. But if you know him, hello I am single and I love you, please love me. I am constantly wondering if I want to stay living where I am living. Do I want to do something crazy and move to the States? Do I want to be even crazier and move further away? Do I need that much of a change to make myself happy? It seems like it. Does my Quarter Life Crisis revolve entirely around my innate need to constantly do the next thing? I am a strong advocate for being your best self at all times, but I am not sure what my best self is right now.
A friend asked me to explain why I have been feeling so down and it occurred to me that it is hard to put into words. The reasons I am feeling down are obvious; I lost my job, I am worried about money, I am living a lifestyle that is making me unhappy in many ways. Justifying why I feel down when each of these things can easily be fixed by my own attitude and small actions is harder. I know I am the solution to all my problems. I am a strong person, but the fact I can't seem to catch a break over the last couple of years takes its toll. I have now, for the second time in two years, had things taken away that are out of my control. This is something I always struggle to deal with. The way I protect myself is by keeping control of all elements of my life at all times, something that both helps and hinders in a Quarter Life Crisis. I relate very much to "Show Yourself" from Frozen 2. The anthem to my Quarter Life Crisis.
So where does this leave me? I now find myself at a crossroads with absolutely no idea which way to go. Much like how I felt when I started writing this post, several hours before you are actually reading this where I typed, deleted and retyped entire essays on a Quarter Life Crisis before deciding which direction to go. This is something we can apply to life, no? We can type out, make mistakes, and try again in life all the time until we get it right. We are the only ones who can help ourselves achieve our own goals, it is just getting to that stage I am struggling with. I need to plan things to survive, whether that is a holiday, a life plan or shorter term goals. I really struggle when I can't plan things, this goes back to the need for control. My Quarter Life Crisis has been intensified by the complete inability to plan anything because the world is so uncertain at the moment. So, what is the solution to this? Focusing on shorter term goals, take things day by day, celebrate the small victories in life. Not everything has to be a big goal, there is absolutely no shame in celebrating small goals.
I would like to take a second to credit my amazing "Disney Friends". I have grown my internet friend base significantly over the last couple of months after I tweeted about Disney+ censoring boobs that seemed to draw a lot of attention! There isn't enough credit given to the bonds you can form with people over the internet who you have a shared interest in that plays such a big part in all your lives. Some of my friends had started a YouTube stream, Saturday Night Dis-Cussions, at the start of lockdown, something that honestly kept me going for weeks. So please, let's normalise online friendships, I couldn't live without those guys and a lot of them will now be life long friends.
Now I need to find what makes me happy. Right now, I am not entirely sure what that is. But I will get there. I might need to move half way across the world to find it, but I will. Until then, my Quarter Life Crisis continues but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it might only be a pin head. Got to keep walking. Navigating life is a long journey.
Is it Christmas yet?
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Finding a bit of pixie dust in every situation.